Emotional Regulation and Sexual Functioning
Mental health has a significant influence on a person's well-being. One large role in mental health well-being is the ability to regulate emotionally. Emotions are an integral part of the human experience, varying in intensity and manifestation for each person. While every person has their own unique experience of emotions it can be important for a person to build awareness around those emotions. Hence, that is where emotional regulation comes in.
Emotional regulation is the ability to have awareness of one’s experience with their emotions and find methods to have control over those emotions. The ability to control one's emotions allows for more empowered experiences and connections with others. Emotional Regulation can improve a person's overall quality of life in various aspects. One of those aspects is sexual functioning (Fischer, Andersson, Billieux, Infanti, & Vögele, 2023).
The Mind and Body Connection
It is important to recognize that there is a significant connection between the mind and body. This is very true when it comes to sexual functioning and mental health. Sex is commonly viewed as a physical activity, mainly focusing on the genitalia or areas of the body that experience more pleasurable sensations (i.e., nipples, vulva, penis, anus). While these areas of the body do have an important influence on sexual pleasure and satisfaction, it is also important to recognize how the brain (the mind) has an important role as well. One of the major organs involved in sex is the brain! When engaging in sex, either solo or with others, a lot is going on in the brain (Baird, Wilson, Bladin, Saling, & Reutens, 2007). During sexual activity, the brain is simultaneously processing the sensations in the body but also generating thoughts, emotions, and associations.
So where does emotional regulation relate to all of this? Well, one important thing to be aware of is that oftentimes people can experience emotional dysregulation outside of and inside the bedroom (sexy time). Research has shown that the lack of emotional regulation can lead to sexual functioning problems, interpersonal challenges, performance anxiety, decreased mindfulness and being present in the moment, and lower self-esteem (Fischer, et al., 2023; Pepping, O’donovan, Zimmer-Gembeck, & Hanisch, 2014). Fischer’s, et al., (2023) study found that emotional regulation strategies had an important influence on sexual functioning. Taking proactive approaches, such as increasing emotional regulation, can lead to more enjoyable sex.
Strategies to Improve Emotional Regulation:
Increase Emotional Awareness. One of the first steps to knowing how to manage our emotions is knowing how to label them and how they show up in your life. By being able to label and notice what the emotion is that you are feeling, you can be more effective in finding strategies to manage those emotions.
Build awareness of what the purpose of the emotion is. It is important to remember that all emotions serve a purpose. Humans are not perfect and there will be times when you experience negative emotions. Rather than trying to eliminate negative emotions, try to recognize what is the purpose of the emotion and why it might be there. When you can recognize the purpose that can lead to better awareness of what to do going forward or interventions to implement.
Identify the physical cues of the emotion. This goes hand in hand with increasing emotional awareness. When one can recognize how the emotions show up in the body it creates better awareness of that emotion and catching it when it starts.
Implement regular self-care. Having a consistent self-care routine can be a preventative step to increase emotional regulation. When we take care of ourselves we in turn create a future that feels better emotionally and physically.
Identify what triggers uncomfortable or unpleasant emotions. There may be certain experiences or situations that trigger emotional reactions. When you identify those triggers you can take action to change them or prepare for them.
Talk with others about the emotions. Find someone that you can trust and feel secure with to speak about your emotions. When we bottle up emotions it just keeps stuffing the bottle until it breaks. When it breaks it can lead to longer periods of emotional fatigue and dysregulation. Having someone to speak to can be a beneficial way to vent and find comfort.
Implement mindfulness strategies. Mindfulness has been shown to have many positive influences on a person. Mindfulness is the ability to be present in the moment. This can not only be beneficial for day-to-day activities but also for sex! When you are present in the moment of sex you can experience more pleasure and connection with yourself or others.
Practice self-compassion and patience. It is important to remember that whenever making a change it takes time. Give yourself grace when trying to learn a new skill.
References:
Baird, A. D., Wilson, S. J., Bladin, P. F., Saling, M. M., & Reutens, D. C. (2007). Neurological control of human sexual behavior: insights from lesion studies. Journal of neurology, neurosurgery, and psychiatry, 78(10), 1042–1049. DOI: 10.1136/jnnp.2006.107193
Fischer, V. J., Andersson, G., Billieux,J., Infanti, A., & Vögele, C. (2023). The role of emotion regulation strategies for sexual function and mental health: A cluster analytical approach. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. DOI: 10.1080/0092623X.2023.2264863
Pepping, C. A., O’donovan, A., Zimmer-Gembeck, M. J., & Hanisch, M. (2014). Is emotion regulation the process underlying the relationship between low mindfulness and psychosocial distress? Australian Journal of Psychology, 66(2), 130–138. DOI:10.1111/ajpy.12050